Barney: Don’t look at me, I’m hideous!

Robin: Oh, come on. You look like a regular guy.
Barney: Exactly! I’m a Ted! Look at me, I’m wearing elastic waistband fleece pants.
Robin: But they’re comfy, right?
Barney: … yes.

Barney: Too.. weak.. to.. hold.. bowl.
Robin: Fine, I’ll feed you..

Barney: Ouchie in my mouth!!
Barney: I don’t want it, I want ice cream!
Robin: No, you’re not having ice cream just because you’re sick.
Barney: But my throat hurts!
Robin: No!
Barney: I hate you!